Why I Love Free-Range Kids, Part 1

The other day one of my second grade students approached me with a minor complaint. I offered her sympathy. She continued to stare at me with expectation. A bit unnerved, I asked her what she was going to do then. She shrugged and repeated the complaint. At this point I realized she had no intention of fixing the problem, one that she was perfectly capable of solving. Or perhaps, she wasn't capable, as she was waiting for me, the teacher, to fix it.

This girl was far from the only one in the class. Another day another girl came to me, clearly ill. I replied with I thought were logical options: she might run to the bathroom if she felt she would throw up and/or she might go to the office to call her mother. The child told me four times she felt sick. After my responses, she would burst into tears and go to her seat. The fourth time, I lost my cool with her and my awesome aide dragged her to the office.

So I ask myself, what is wrong with children today that makes them so... horrible at taking care of themselves?

Thus, I make this post a devotion to my love of the Free-Range Kids philosophy. Some years ago, Lenore Skenazy, a writer, let her young boy go on the subway home by himself. She was hung up by her figurative toenails by parents of America, but her actions also started a movement.

Here are the main ideas I take from this child-rearing philosophy:

• This world isn't nearly as dangerous and scary as we make it out to be. In fact, the numbers show it's safer than it's been in about fifty years.
• Kids are perfectly capable of acting their age.
• We need to stop lowering the expectations of "acting one's age".
• Community is important. Love and trust your neighbors.

 I wasn't a mom when I first heard of Son Skenazy's subway trip, but it impressed me. I figured, "why not?" When my beloved Amazon Vine program offered a copy of Lenore's book Free-Range Kids, I jumped at the opportunity to read an advance copy. Shortly thereafter, I began following, rather faithfully, her blog (linked above).

Free-Range Kids as altered my view of child-raising even before I had Ruby. Looking back at my own child-hood, I was a wuss. I was scared of riding my bike very far. Yes, that's what made me a wuss. I was scared to ride my bike in unknown territories three blocks away in my quiet small town. Never mind that we played in the little woods down the street pretty much everyday. Never mind that we road our bikes around the familiar neighborhood all the time. Never mind that since before I can remember, visiting my grandmother meant climbing down the big weed infested hill behind her house and walking two miles to a park. All without adults. I thought I was a wuss.

Never mind that we took care of ourselves to a degree. I knew how to do laundry from a young age. I knew how to clean much of the house. I knew how to fix basic meals. I knew how to babysit my younger siblings.

Free-Range Kids taught me this was a fairly normal childhood.

Free-Range Kids taught me that yes, I was right to think it weird when my mother's 11-year-old piano student who lived around the corner (with no streets to cross) called her mom to come get her rather than walk home.

Free-Range Kids taught me that it is okay to follow my grandmother's wisdom of "never do what a child what he can do for himself".

Free-Range Kids taught me that I do not need to interfere every time students get in an argument with each other. Free-Range Kids taught me it's okay to let them play mildly-risky games on the playground.

Free-Range Kids taught me it's okay to expect second-graders to fulfill basic projects.

Free-Range Kids has encouraged me to make part of my teaching a lesson in taking care of one's self and getting these done as far as one can handle. My job as a teacher and a mother is to teach skill-building and courage.

Thank-you, Lenore and Free-Range Kids.

Later on, I will write another post on the spiritual applications of Free-Range Kids philosophy.